"Sometimes, I look at people and just think that their life is one long hangover even though they don't drink."

"We aren't lying, we are just presenting the truth in a highly optimistic parallel universe."

"Why don't we just cheat by being nice instead of doing unto others as they have done unto us?"

We were in the middle of a massive strategy deck review with a notorious micro-manager. Our senior consultant got completely cornered on a flawed metric, paused for a dramatic three seconds, and said, "That's not a math error, it's a contrarian data perspective designed to disrupt your assumptions." The client actually nodded and shut up. What is the most blatant lie you've ever seen a colleague successfully pull off in a meeting?

I was sitting in HR finishing up some paperwork when the director’s door opened. She was talking to a manager. She looked him dead in the eye and said, "Michael, micro-managing their bathroom breaks is not a KPI." I had to fake a coughing fit to hide my laugh.